R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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