so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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