I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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