Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
