I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
