If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
