remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Randomize
