Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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