i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
