so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
