I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
