I must be too annoying 4 u.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
What a dumb baby whore.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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