GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
