Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
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