I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
