It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize