I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
