i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
