I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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