She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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