he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
