The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
