I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
