I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
im six kinds of drunk right now
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
