absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
