Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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