Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
