my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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