A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
