So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
