It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
