How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You pole danced in your parka.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
