Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
