theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
