Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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