Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
