I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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