you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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