sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My vagina just clenched in fear
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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