the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
