GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
