There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
