i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
