Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
