you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
