what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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