I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
