I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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