I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just found a bag of teeth...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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