Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
