hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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