Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
