you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
try to milk me bitch
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
