You're a womanizer and a bitch.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
