chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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