plz talk dirty to me
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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