Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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