I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
