foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
