there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
