The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
