I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
