I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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