I puked a lego.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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