apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
