Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
