fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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