last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
