my sisters under your porch take her home
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think your dad took our porno
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize