Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
