i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
