After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize