do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
