wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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