Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
