It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
