dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
