Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
