do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
