After last night, I could never be a politician.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
