would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
