just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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