Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
