when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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