If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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