3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Randomize