too bad you live with your parents still
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
