i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
