positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
