Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
