Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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