Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
