Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
