Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize