i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
