I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
