I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
