I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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