Duck Duck Cougar?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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