yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
