Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
