Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.

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(443): View more from Maryland

We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.

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(310): View more from California

Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.

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(518): View more from New York

But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.

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(509): View more from Washington

I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?

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