He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
