9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
