Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
