the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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